1. #1
    Registriert seit
    May 2005
    Beiträge
    4
    Take a deep breath,
    bevor you think, before you feel.
    I would like to see my life
    in glance, in celebration.
    But all I have is nothing,
    but my life.

    No one asked me to come alive.
    No one made the registration,
    that I didn't want.
    Forget fate, forget that I was made.
    Please put me back into the mouth
    of being born.

    Nor hell nor heaven
    I want.
    Please, please kill me.
    Please help me not to be forlorn.
    Something tells me to get free,
    I think, that devil wants me.

    Am I born to be evil?
    Am I born to be good?
    What does life plan for me?
    What am I going to to?
    I live my life as I shall do.

    Maybe I never know what destiny I have,
    maybe I really never know,
    but one thing is clear
    and oh so near
    DEATH.
    I dream of being in his arms in his
    cold embrace, I'll die.

    I say: Goodbye!
    !Es ist wie es ist!

  2. #2
    Registriert seit
    May 2005
    Beiträge
    4

    Smile

    Ursprünglich eingetragen von Dark Sienna
    Take a deep breath,
    bevor you think, before you feel.
    I would like to see my life
    in glance, in celebration.
    But all I have is nothing,
    but my life.

    No one asked me to come alive.
    No one made the registration,
    that I didn't want.
    Forget fate, forget that I was made.
    Please put me back into the mouth
    of being born.

    Nor hell nor heaven
    I want.
    Please, please kill me.
    Please help me not to be forlorn.
    Something tells me to get free,
    I think, that devil wants me.

    Am I born to be evil?
    Am I born to be good?
    What does life plan for me?
    What am I going to to?
    I live my life as I shall do.

    Maybe I never know what destiny I have,
    maybe I really never know,
    but one thing is clear
    and oh so near
    DEATH.
    I dream of being in his arms in his
    cold embrace, I'll die.

    I say: Goodbye!
    !Es ist wie es ist!

  3. #3
    Registriert seit
    May 2005
    Beiträge
    391
    Dark Sienna,

    You shouldn't express your thoughts in a foreign language, using the grammar of your own tongue, forget about spelling mistakes. Do you really think you improve the contents in doing so? And why are you pushing up with a double posting?

    Lyrical You - You live your life as you will do, yet dreaming of death? Or are you using pictures as hollow signs, in this little piece of yours?

    Work on your poem again, sort out the contradictions in the contents, and formulate it clearly in German, enabling every user in this forum to read your words! If I am not mistaken, that's your intention after all, isn't it?

    Go ahead - it is worth discussing the contents. Many users may be waiting for it.

    *gl*

    N.

  4. #4
    Registriert seit
    Dec 2004
    Beiträge
    1.731
    Sorry, aber entweder beherrscht du diese Sprache nicht in dem Maße, um durch deine Wörter eine entsprechende Wirkung zu entfalten, oder dabei haperts schon bei deinem deutsch und du versuchst das damit zu vertuschen.
    Solche nicht muttersprachlichen Sachen sind sehr gefährlich, weil man nun mal in dieser Sprache relativ limitiert ist. Je intensiver du dich mit sowas auseinander setzt, desto stärker wird die Erkenntnis in dir reifen dass man zwar viel und fast alles wissen kann, es reicht bestenfalls nur zur Brilianz eines "average" native. Darauf kann man dann durchaus stolz sein, ein künstlerischer Anspruch sieht aber dann doch meist anders aus.

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