1. #1
    Registriert seit
    Oct 2006
    Beiträge
    5

    Wonderfull place

    Wonderfull place

    Sometimes comes the green butterfly , and wake me up

    it fly away ,comes again, sit on my cup.

    Many hours it stays by me

    sometimes one more , sometimes sooner leave.

    I lie on my grey stone , waterfall on the left

    some damp on the right , wonderfull nature

    what a wonderfull sight.

    I take a look at red sundown, its wonderfull at here ,

    thats my place , make me feel good ,

    whatever case.

    In deep Night no noice at all ,

    just anytime the waterfall ..

    This place is strange but also wonderfull ,

    becouse its free of paine , and its clean my soul..

    feedback ! danke ..

  2. #2
    Registriert seit
    Jun 2006
    Beiträge
    66

    Oh Dear...

    Hi there,

    Sometimes... it is not enough to simply translate German words into English to create a poem; especially since not even the most basic rules of grammar are taken into consideration. Sorry to say but there wasn't much pleasure in reading this...the pain prevailed...

    Wonderfull place
    Wonderful place
    Sometimes comes the green butterfly , and wake me up
    Sometimes the green butterfly comes and wakes me up
    it fly away ,comes again, sit on my cup.
    it flies away, comes back again, sits on my cup.
    Many hours it stays by me
    It stays with me for many hours
    sometimes one more , sometimes sooner leave.
    erm???? No idea what you want to say...
    I lie on my grey stone , waterfall on the left
    Grey stone???
    some damp on the right , wonderfull nature
    Damp? not very poetic, wonderful nature
    what a wonderfull sight.
    wonderful
    I take a look at red sundown, its wonderfull at here ,
    Sundown? Did you mean sunset??, it's wonderful out here (???)
    thats my place , make me feel good ,
    that is my place, makes me feel good
    whatever case.
    whatever case?? Whatever happens, maybe?
    In deep Night no noice at all ,
    Middle of the night?? no noise at all
    just anytime the waterfall ..
    anytime does not work here... only the waterfall
    This place is strange but also wonderfull ,
    ....wonderful
    becouse its free of paine , and its clean my soul..
    because it is free of pain, and it cleans my soul

  3. #3
    Registriert seit
    Nov 2006
    Ort
    bei mama ^^
    Beiträge
    3
    but there is the poet freedom, isn't it? ^^

  4. #4
    Registriert seit
    Jun 2006
    Beiträge
    66
    No, only poetic freedom, I am afraid, but why use it as an excuse for writing bad poetry? The mind boggles...

  5. #5
    Registriert seit
    Jul 2006
    Ort
    Da, wo man mich braucht (:
    Beiträge
    513
    Hallo Plesure&Pain,

    gemessen an den vielen Gramatikfehlern und dem Rechtschreibfehler in deinem Namen, gehe ich davon aus, dass du nicht Englisch-Sprachig aufgewachsen bist, schließe ich mich herindoors voll und ganz an und rate dir: Bleib bei der deutschen Sprache.

    Liebe Grüße,
    Tiffany

  6. #6
    Registriert seit
    Nov 2006
    Ort
    Berlin (Hinterm Mond gleich links)
    Beiträge
    341
    Well, because your poem is written in english I decided to answer likewise. My english my not be the best around and it is not my mothertongue. Still I try to do some writing in this language every now and then but even though I can say without a doubt, that my english is far better than yours it's still far from being good enough to publish something. If you don't care that the people don't like what you did, then why do the effort to post it here.

    If you truly want to write poems in the english language then you have a lot to do. I recommend learning the basics before trying to do poetry though.

    Anyways, once you have improved I will most certaintly recognize it so good luck.

    your Mel

  7. #7
    Registriert seit
    Aug 2006
    Beiträge
    270
    No, only poetic freedom, I am afraid, but why use it as an excuse for writing bad poetry? The mind boggles...
    i agree; e.g.: the third person singular rule is of basic importance
    Der Boden unter meinen Füßen bewegt sich wie Treibsand;
    Aus keiner Ecke leuchtet mir mehr ein Licht.
    Ich muss den Sand der Zeit aus meinen Augen reiben.
    von Dornenrose in "Schwarzes Licht"

Was dich vielleicht auch interessieren könnte:

  1. Happy Place
    Von klaatu im Forum Gesellschaft
    Antworten: 6
    Letzter Beitrag: 10.07.2018, 08:43
  2. place an apple on your head! wilhelm tell(s,) you!
    Von Dr. Bird im Forum Hoffnung und Fröhliches
    Antworten: 1
    Letzter Beitrag: 17.01.2007, 21:55

Berechtigungen

  • Neue Themen erstellen: Nein
  • Themen beantworten: Nein
  • Anhänge hochladen: Nein
  • Beiträge bearbeiten: Nein
  •  

Anmelden

Anmelden