Wonderfull place

[Plesure&pain]

Wonderfull place

Sometimes comes the green butterfly , and wake me up

it fly away ,comes again, sit on my cup.

Many hours it stays by me

sometimes one more , sometimes sooner leave.

I lie on my grey stone , waterfall on the left

some damp on the right , wonderfull nature

what a wonderfull sight.

I take a look at red sundown, its wonderfull at here ,

thats my place , make me feel good ,

whatever case.

In deep Night no noice at all ,

just anytime the waterfall ..

This place is strange but also wonderfull ,

becouse its free of paine , and its clean my soul..

feedback ! danke ..

[Herindoors]

Hi there,

Sometimes... it is not enough to simply translate German words into English to create a poem; especially since not even the most basic rules of grammar are taken into consideration. Sorry to say but there wasn't much pleasure in reading this...the pain prevailed...

Wonderfull place
Wonderful place
Sometimes comes the green butterfly , and wake me up
Sometimes the green butterfly comes and wakes me up
it fly away ,comes again, sit on my cup.
it flies away, comes back again, sits on my cup.
Many hours it stays by me
It stays with me for many hours
sometimes one more , sometimes sooner leave.
erm???? No idea what you want to say...
I lie on my grey stone , waterfall on the left
Grey stone???
some damp on the right , wonderfull nature
Damp? not very poetic, wonderful nature
what a wonderfull sight.
wonderful
I take a look at red sundown, its wonderfull at here ,
Sundown? Did you mean sunset??, it's wonderful out here (???)
thats my place , make me feel good ,
that is my place, makes me feel good
whatever case.
whatever case?? Whatever happens, maybe?
In deep Night no noice at all ,
Middle of the night?? no noise at all
just anytime the waterfall ..
anytime does not work here... only the waterfall
This place is strange but also wonderfull ,
....wonderful
becouse its free of paine , and its clean my soul..
because it is free of pain, and it cleans my soul

[FreakyAngel]

but there is the poet freedom, isn't it? ^^

[Herindoors]

No, only poetic freedom, I am afraid, but why use it as an excuse for writing bad poetry? The mind boggles...

[ScarletsTiffany]

Hallo Plesure&Pain,

gemessen an den vielen Gramatikfehlern und dem Rechtschreibfehler in deinem Namen, gehe ich davon aus, dass du nicht Englisch-Sprachig aufgewachsen bist, schließe ich mich herindoors voll und ganz an und rate dir: Bleib bei der deutschen Sprache.

Liebe Grüße,
Tiffany

[Melanor]

Well, because your poem is written in english I decided to answer likewise. My english my not be the best around and it is not my mothertongue. Still I try to do some writing in this language every now and then but even though I can say without a doubt, that my english is far better than yours it's still far from being good enough to publish something. If you don't care that the people don't like what you did, then why do the effort to post it here.

If you truly want to write poems in the english language then you have a lot to do. I recommend learning the basics before trying to do poetry though.

Anyways, once you have improved I will most certaintly recognize it so good luck.

your Mel

[mood.on.paper]

No, only poetic freedom, I am afraid, but why use it as an excuse for writing bad poetry? The mind boggles...

i agree; e.g.: the third person singular rule is of basic importance